Xar,

Yes?

What programs do you use for all this amazing stuff?

Good question.

No, really.

I use:

• Adobe Photoshop
• Adobe Illustrator
• Terragen
• Vue D'Esprit

If I pay you, will you make things for me?

Do you normally pay money for the work of an unskilled amateur?

Good point. Who designed your webapge then?

I did.

Oh. No wonder it sucks

That's not really a question, but I'll answer it anyway. My artwork is best viewed on a highly optomized monitor. To highly optomize your monitor, take your tower (the part of the computer that doesn't have a big magic TV in it) out into your backyard and shoot it. My artwork will look much better now.

I did that and then I realized what an idiot I am. I'm going to sue you.

You don't scare me.

Why are you so cool?

Hmm. That is a good question. I think it has a lot to do with my incredible amount of skills, combined with my millions of followers who like to mimic everything that I do, in hopes that they will become like me. Things that I do may not even be cool, but they seem like they are because so many people do them. Also, I have found the Zen or something, and all my Fung Shwa is balanced. That sort of thing.

Will you teach me how to do all the amazing things you do?

No. My tutelage is for the privaleged few. You are a philistine, and not worthy of study under so great a master as myself.

Do you actually get paid for this?

No. Would you pay me? I didn't think so. You see, I am too advanced for my time, and it will take several decades until people fully appreciate my work. Like Van Gogh. He died penniless, having sold only one painting. He should have put up banner space on his art. That is the lesson of the commercialized world.

Are these actually frequently asked questions?

No. I am making them up as I go.